


Tax Day

by Basingstoke



Category: Brimstone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-04-15
Updated: 2002-04-15
Packaged: 2017-10-02 15:13:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Basingstoke/pseuds/Basingstoke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing is inevitable but death and taxes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tax Day

Zeke opened his eyes to find the Devil standing over him.

"Rise and shine, buttercup! It's a beautiful morning on beautiful Earth!" The Devil was dressed in a pin-stripe suit with a transparent green visor.

Zeke grunted. "Let me guess, you have another cryptic clue leading me on another wacky adventure..."

"Oh, no, no, no. You can find your next soul down the street at the corner store. No, I'm here for something much more important." The Devil smiled down at him. His eyes sparkled in a manner that was not encouraging.

"I can't even begin to imagine." Zeke swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up. The Devil stood over him, inside his personal space.

"It's April 15th. Tax day."

"Oh." Figured. Zeke fished his money out of his pocket and flipped through it, trying to divide in his head. "What's fifteen percent of $36.27?"

"Zeke. That's Caesar's, that's not mine."

Zeke snapped his head up. The Devil smiled a little wider. He trailed one finger down Zeke's jaw line. "A pound of flesh should do it," he said.

Zeke shot backwards. "Hold on just one second--"

The Devil raised his eyebrows. His smile didn't budge.

"Deductions."

"Deductions?"

"Work-related expenses," Zeke said, sliding out of bed on the other side. The Devil cocked his head and held up his hand; there was an abacus resting in it. "The time I almost lost my eye," Zeke said.

"Hm." The Devil knocked a bead from one side to the other.

"When I got sick with typhoid."

The Devil knocked over another bead.

"I was bitten by a snake."

One more bead.

Zeke thought, hard. "Miscellaneous bumps and bruises."

"Oh, but they don't leave a mark and barely hurt. I don't know if we can deduct that," the Devil said, shaking his head sadly.

"Well, who's the auditor here? Bend the rules a little," Zeke said, feeling ridiculous.

"The auditor? Who do you think?" The Devil looked up. Zeke glanced up automatically, seeing only ceiling. "He is the executive and the judiciary, the legislative and the bureaucratic. We are but his employees," The Devil said. He set the abacus on Zeke's dresser. "Are you ready to pay up?"

"I'm not so sure--" The Devil was suddenly in front of him. He thrust a hand into Zeke's guts.

"--uff," Zeke said, and collapsed. The Devil drew out a handful of organs, dripping with blood and bile.

"Well then." The Devil set the innards on the scales that were now atop Zeke's dresser. "Ah, we're a little over..." He pulled out a length of intestine and tossed it back to Zeke.

"--ungh--"

"There. One pound exactly. Now for the deductions." The Devil picked out a piece of organ and tossed it on top of the intestine. "Your eye."

"--mff--"

The Devil picked out anther piece. "Typhoid."

"--nnh--"

He snipped off another bit of intestine. "Snakebite."

Zeke finally gave up and lolled across the floor--not in pain, but feeling awfully funny. Kind of like someone had scooped his guts out of his belly and not put them back.

The Devil dropped a last bit of organ on his chest. "And bumps and bruises, because I'm feeling generous."

He bent down and patted Zeke on the forehead. "Now get to work!"

Zeke gave him the finger. The Devil just chuckled.

end.


End file.
